Speaking of Listening

Speaking of Listening is a segment that can be heard on Good Vibrations RadioTM – every  third Thursday on RadioMonterey.com at 5:10 PM Pacific time.

Speaking of Listening focuses primarily on the skill of Effective Listening called Tracking. Each segment focuses on one specific aspect of this crucial skill.

A common saying is that since we have two ears and only one mouth, we should listen twice as much as we speak! I find this to be absolutely true, since only by listening effectively can we truly understand the messages the other person is expressing. Since much of communication is non-verbal, it is important to understand the unexpressed thoughts as well as the feelings to “get” the message as deeply as possible.

I have found that Tracking alone can help resolve many conflicts by simply hearing the other person’s pain and letting them know that I understand it.

Latest Segment

September 11, 2017: The basics of tracking, the most effective approach to listening and validating of which I am aware. Examples of effective and not-so-effective responses.

Archive of Past Segments

August 14, 2017: Newton’s three laws of relationships; becoming a more effective listener through tracking and gentle challenges.

July 07, 2017: Judgments and self-esteem.

June 12, 2017: Effective ways to respond to criticism – with skills! “Don’t take the blame, hear the pain”.

May 18, 2017: In this segment I present my “LRV” approach to becoming an effective Listener. The stages are: (1) Listen (Silently); (2) Reflect (using tracking); (3) Validate.

October 20, 2016: I discuss attitudes that block effective communication and some “matches” that can blow up interactions in problem areas, like throwing a match on gasoline.

September 15, 2016: I unpack “unconscious vs conscious” and go deeply into the origins of being “unconscious.”

August 18, 2016: Another segment devoted to responding to criticism or verbal attack. The quandary is how to keep both yourself and the other person “okay” in such as situation. The solution is to start with the truth that “all attack is a call for help” (A Course in Miracles) and that anger and verbal attack is an expression of someone in pain. By validating their pain (without making oneself “wrong”), they start to feel heard and understood. I finish with the “One-Two” – in which the person is first tracked to their bottom line (one) followed by setting a limit (two).

July 21, 2016: Here I focus on the Aware Heart and the importance of learning to move to it and stay in it. This is the place of consciousness, in contrast to coming from the Victim or the Judge, which are unconscious and reactive.

June 16, 2016: This segment discusses why learning listening skills is important, understanding acceptable vs unacceptable behaviors, staying in the aware heart, and the basics of tracking. The audio didn’t come out very good, unfortunately.

May 05, 2016: This segment discusses unconditional positive regard and its importance for becoming a heart-centered listener.

April 21, 2016: I talk about the danger of asking questions that can feel entrapping and how gentle probes can be used instead.

April 07, 2016: I discuss John Gottman’s “Four Horsemen” and how they can be dealt with using tracking. I also talk about how using an Impact Statement can produce a better outcome than criticism or complaining.

March 17, 2016: How to listen effectively when you disagree with what is being said. Behaviors that block effective communication and some ways of overcoming them.

March 03, 2016: I speak to the problem of Hearing Without Listening (HWOL), as the Simon & Garfunkle song “The Sound of Silence” mentioned. I address some of what I believe are the weaknesses in traditional “Active Listening” and how Tracking overcomes them.

February 18, 2016: I discuss the downside of “hearing without listening” (HWOL) – when your consciousness goes “AWOL.” Also, what my perception of the weaknesses of traditional “Active Listening” and how I believe tracking overcomes them.

February 4, 2016: In this segment I discuss the difference between validating and agreeing

January 21, 2016: This segment covers some of the important roles communication plays in all relationships and the crucial element of self-esteem. I discuss some ways of addressing self-esteem issues and how they can help improve communication

January 7, 2016: In this segment, I talk about when to track, decoding the “hidden message,” listening for operative words (such as “always” or “never”), and gentle challenges.

December 17, 2015: I discuss several strategies for making your communication this holiday season more enjoyable and less stressful.

NOTE: As of now, these are unedited and may contain some audio at the beginning from the radio station.

December 4, 2015:


November 19, 2015:

November 4, 2015:

October 15, 2015:


October 1, 2015:

September 17, 2015:


August 6, 2015:

July 16, 2015: Responding to criticism with skillful listening; staying in your aware heart when hearing criticism; matching the energy of the criticism; some simple phrases that help respond.

 

July 02, 2015:

June 016, 2015:

June 04, 2015:

May 21, 2015:

May 07, 2015:

April 16, 2015:

April 02, 2015:

March 19, 2015:

March 05, 2015:

February 19, 2015:

Interview with Solarzar:

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